Current mood:	stressed
Current music:	track #4 MiniDisk player on repeat

hedgehog's delima
i havent updated in a while because i dont feel like it. i dont care about my life and i doubt anyone else does either. all misato and father want me for is a pilot, not as a person.

I was already pissed off at Misato. I was getting some air on the roof when touji and kensuke walked over. i told him to punch me and not hold back because i dont care if i die or not. a few minutes later rei shows up to say we are needed.

once again, to please my father i got inside an evangelion and faught an angel. the angel was kicking my ass and i was up against a mountain when i saw touji and kensuke there watching the fight. if i moved they would be killed and i coulndt let that happen. Misato ourdered me to evacuate but i let them into the entry plug and took out the Evangelion's progressive knife. im suprised i was able to pull this off, i thought i was dead - which would be fine for me.

After the battle i was taken to a room inside NERV where Misato questioned me and i got into another fight with her. i think the only reason why she wanted me to live with her was so she could keep an eye on me. i guess i pissed her off because she slapped me.

That night i ran away from the apartment. i wandered around not caring where i was or what happened to me. i ended up finding kensuke aida playing war out in some field. what a military otaku. we had some food but then some Nerv agents came and took me back to Nerv.

Misato asked me if i really wanted to pilot an eva or not. the only reason i do it is because everyone tells me to. she told me to leave and forget about NERV and the evangelions so i went to the train station the next day. I was waiting for the train to come and Misato showed up. she toled me the reason why she took in PenPen. and we made up. and now i am back in shinji's lovely sweet